Partying Towards Perfection

Tea is at high noon, and all of you wonderfully delightful people are invited, as long as you wear your whitest white gloves and your biggest, most flowery hat with the widest brim. We will sip silently from the finest china tea cups while holding our pinkies out and slightly up. The hot black tea will swirl and steam, making our pointy noses run ever so slightly, but we will pretend that does not happen. We are ladies. We are gentlemen. We do not speak of such things.


OR


Yeayyyyyy! Tea party!!!! I want tea! I want tea! Mommmyyyyyyyyyyyyy! Bring the tea! Bring the tea! No, REAL tea! I want REEEEEEEEAL TEEEEEEEA, MomYYYYYYYYYY!!! Only Fluffy Bunny ears can come. Fluffy Muffy Bunny Ears! Sit down on my little yellow chair and drink your tea, Fluffy Muffy Stuffy Bunny!!!!!






OR


Tea. Party. My. House. It will be awesome. I've hired the Five Man Electric Band, but not the real one. They will rock out as loud as lions roar, man. They will rock your pants off, like any kind of pants, like tight denim jeans, like loose heather-gray sweats, like Bugle Boy khaki dockers with the pleats in front that make everyone who wears them look like a Ken doll.






Do now: Sign into your Blogger account and comment on which tea party you'd rather attend and why.

An Open Letter To Parking People

Dear Woman Parked Outside Of The Post Office Today:

I hate you, and if I didn't fear the ramifications of ramming my car into the back of yours, I would have done so. Possible ramifications: insurance sky rockets, I go to jail for using my car as a deadly weapon, you get out of your car and beat me up.

I played with the idea of walking over to your window and tapping on it to have the very necessary conversation you needed. I also thought about pulling up alongside you and motioning for you to roll down your window so I could tell you a thing or two. I did not do either of those things because of that last possibility with the car ramming. I do not want to get jacked.

However, when I gently tapped my horn as I pulled up behind you, couldn't you have maybe thought about why I was doing so? Could you put two and two together, the first two being the first set of cars that did the same exact thing I did? We saw your hazards. We knew you were stopped and waiting. We simply wanted you to move your car up.

Next time you want to park outside of the post office, DO NOT PARK YOUR CAR IN FRONT OF THE DRIVE UP MAILBOXES!!!!!

I'm not sure if you heard me get out of my car in the seemingly unending downpour, only inches from the slot, and put my Netflix return into the mailbox and slam it shut while muttering "asshole!" If you did hear me, then yes, it was directed at you. If you did not hear me, then now you know, you're an asshole.

Here's a very simple lesson: The drive up mailboxes have slots facing the street so that drivers can "drive up" to them, not get out of the car, roll down the window, and put their mail into the slots. We cannot do that when you are parked in front of them.

Dismissed.

Do Now:Sign into your Blogger account and comment about situations that are bothersome.

A Rebuttal To The Rebuttal: The Great Candy Corn Debate

Candy corn is the first candy I look for in my trick-or-treat bag. Yes, every Halloween I still go out to collect candy from strangers (which is exactly what parents tell us not to do when we are young children—but that contradictory parenting style is for another time). I dress up in lame costumes like wearing a sheet to be a ghost or wearing a baseball cap to be a guy on the street wearing a baseball cap, all to achieve the goal of gathering as much candy corn as humanly possible in one day. Christina Rau’s blog post, “Candy Corn: Not A Gift From The Sugar Goddesses” indicates how she believes that candy corn is not great. She is totally wrong. She needs to eat more candy corn until she realizes how wonderful a candy it is.

First off, candy corn is simply part of Halloween.  Christina Rau says that in her conclusion, but she doesn't realize that THAT's the whole thing about candy corn.  It simply goes.

Just because candy corn is candy doesn't mean the taste is the most important thing about it.  Christina Rau seems to think it is when she says "taste is most important" but she is so totally off-base.  Plus, I dare to declare: MAGIC TASTES LIKE CANDY CORN and CANDY CORN TASTES LIKE MAGIC.  What do they both taste like?  Each other.  Does that make sense?  Not really, but that does not matter.  The only thing that matters is that candy corn is just good candy.

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Don't wait for Halloween.  Go out and get some now.  If you can't find any, write to your local candy corn manufacturer and make them crank it out pronto.

Work Cited

Rau, Christina. "Candy Corn: Not A Gift From The Sugar Goddess." Everyone Loves Essays. Blogger.com. 22 October 2014. Web. 27 October 2014.

Candy Corn: Not A Gift From The Sugar Goddesses

Candy is an important part of a happy life. In “Lewis Black Hates Candy Corn: A Rebuttal,” Michael Ian Black praises candy corn in opposition to Lewis Black’s insistence that candy corn is horrible. Michael Ian Black represents Halloween tradition, candy corn makers, and all the trick-or-treaters of America in his essay as he defends the tasty treat. However defensive Michael Ian Black is, he is wrong, and Lewis Black is right. Candy corn is simply not a delicious treat.

Since candy corn is candy, the taste should be the most important aspect. Michael Ian Black states that candy corn tastes "like it was made out of magic" (138). He then goes on "If magic had a taste," (138) which means it obviously does not, and therefore, nothing can taste like magic. Lewis Black thinks it tastes "like it was made out of oil" (qtd. in Black 138). That, too, is not true, but the spirit of the statement is. Candy should not taste like oil. Candy should taste good. Oil does not taste good. Candy corn does not taste good. It tastes like chemicals, the kind of taste that develops when people are in an enclosed,un-vented space while they are cleaning with Windex.

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Even though Halloween causes a boost in sales, candy corn is simply part of tradition. It is not a popular treat at any other time of year. Therefore, it is simply not popular, and not a scrumptious snack.

Work Cited

Black, Michael Ian. "Lewis Black Hates Candy Corn: A Rebuttal." My Custom Van...And 50 Other Mind-Blowing Essays That Will Blow Your Mind All Over Your Face. NY: Gallery Books, 2009. 137-142. Print.  

Mom, Dad, Two Children, One Dog

[Click this link to watch the video full screen with captioning.]
The four-door paneled station wagon is no longer in existence. Surely, any frugal father would have traded that jalopy in during the Cash For Clunkers program anyway, but the reality is that a lot of families do not have a frugal father, nor do they have a family station wagon. They have minivans and soccer moms, not necessarily in that order.
A lot of families do not have fathers or mothers and some have neither. Some have cousins and grandparents living under one roof. Modern Family presents a complete corruption of a traditional idea.

Click this link to watch the video full screen with captioning.]
This family portrait does not reflect the traditional sense of family.
According to your own experience, what is a family? Who is your family?
DO NOW:
Please click on Comments, be sure you sign into your account that reflects your name, and answer this question. Discuss your family in personal, informal style. Be sure your comment is substantial, and write something you are proud to share (a paragraph is good; two paragraphs are better).

Love, Lust, And Other Heart Attacks

Neil Sedaka sang this: Motley Crue sang this: Then again, some people just want to be with someone. Love, and what seems like love, can make people do some crazy things.




DO NOW:
Post a comment below about love, romance, and heartache. Is love easy? Is it difficult? Does it have a simply definition? Does it exist? Can two people have a satisfying relationship? Can more than two people do so? (Notice that I'm not asking for lyrics here).

Welcome Wagon

Hello, Composers. Yes, if you are in an ENG 101 class, you are a composer because the class is a composition class. Another word for composer is writer. Writing is fun as you've learned so far. In addition to essays, you've written paragraphs. Blogging is a way to write paragraphs, too. In the blog world, writers can share their writing. That's the purpose here.

This blog's mantra: Write and Share.

Say it with me: "Write and share."

I'll occasionally write posts about the topics we discuss. Your job is to write posts about the topics, too. I have linked all your blogs under Classmate Linkage. You should click at will and see what your classmates have to say.

Write and share!

DO NOW:
If you haven't done so already, create your own account and blog on Blogger using the directions on Blackboard. Write your own Welcome Post. Copy and paste the link to your blog into the dropbox on Blackboard. (The URL link should be something.blogspot.com as the URL link to this blog is everyonelovesessays.blogspot.com).
Then come back to this blog. Please click on Comments and write some commentary on what you think you’ll like about this class, and what you will not like about this class. Offer some goals you’d like to achieve.